You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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