If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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