oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
