working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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