I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
