your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
