oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My vagina is very pro this idea
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
