upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Bring me that man meat
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get