How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel