i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos