Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit

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  (303): I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit http://tfl.nu/ynrr
  Replies (3) Good night (748) Bad night (980)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i was like PREG?

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  (312): i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?' (312): i was like PREG? http://tfl.nu/r2o4
  Replies (9) Good night (944) Bad night (1146)
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  (212): View more from New York

  ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.

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  (212): ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years. http://tfl.nu/7axl
  Replies (36) Good night (1898) Bad night (952)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup

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  (413): theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup http://tfl.nu/8gp9
  Replies (12) Good night (589) Bad night (2657)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds

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  (269): We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds http://tfl.nu/v47x
  Replies (15) Good night (6841) Bad night (587)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.

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  (443): Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that. http://tfl.nu/hvnx
  Replies (11) Good night (4615) Bad night (1180)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.

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  (828): I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh. http://tfl.nu/gg69
  Replies (5) Good night (540) Bad night (2092)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.

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  (587): Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear. http://tfl.nu/o88n
  Replies (10) Good night (557) Bad night (1044)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.

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  (937): I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus. http://tfl.nu/cdmo
  Replies (6) Good night (576) Bad night (749)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  I love you.

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  (214): Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants. (1-214): I love you. http://tfl.nu/sgzz
  Replies (5) Good night (2502) Bad night (522)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will

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  (302): I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will http://tfl.nu/3pox
  Replies (4) Good night (905) Bad night (764)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I ate you ate to the whole david gray album

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  (631): I ate you ate to the whole david gray album http://tfl.nu/r321
  Replies (6) Good night (411) Bad night (597)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.

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  (479): But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups. http://tfl.nu/j3mw
  Replies (1) Good night (304) Bad night (265)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.

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  (+44): Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor. http://tfl.nu/tgic
  Replies (1) Good night (292) Bad night (473)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad

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  (502): like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad http://tfl.nu/fybr
  Replies (1) Good night (505) Bad night (284)

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