i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.