you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!