Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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