Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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