But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm getting married
To pizza
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
