guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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