Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
