I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
id be glad to
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
