Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
