I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
