Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
