All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
