the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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