i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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