So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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