chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
