I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
