I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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