Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
