if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
