8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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