I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
