i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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