Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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