Yo dont text me then not text me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
too bad you live with your parents still
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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