And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
