I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
