i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
