M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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