At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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