I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
