So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
