worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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