You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
