My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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