you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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