End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
