SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
