dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
