I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
