her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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