ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
