My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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