I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
