so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think a kid would responsible me up
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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