god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
