I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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