I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
