Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
