Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
