I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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