Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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