You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?