If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
