Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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