I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
