Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
