I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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