I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
