he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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