just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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