If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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