And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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