lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
