you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
