Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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