FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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