what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
