And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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