dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
