i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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