Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
