If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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