his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize