Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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