He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
