During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You're like the curious george of whores
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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